I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
