I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
