3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
