Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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