It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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