I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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