I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
