so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
