am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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