just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
