I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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