I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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