I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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