No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
