I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
