Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she peed on how many people?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
