can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
