I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
