So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
