So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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