Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
soo... how was my night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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