Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
