he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
two words...techno handjob
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
