i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
