In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
50% drunk capacity currently
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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