Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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