You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
