i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
