He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
