I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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