haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
