I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
