you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
