thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
