New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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