I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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