Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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