Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
