Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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