I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
