Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
