This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
