I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
