I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
