I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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