Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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