he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
