Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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