Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
