Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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