I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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