I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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