Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
