hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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