hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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