He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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