Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
