he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
